In my book, The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, I offer hundreds of practical, coping strategies to empower highly sensitive people.
However, the suggestions may not bear fruit unless we are willing to change.
We must make a resolve to firmly commit to changing habits that are detrimental for us highly sensitive people.
Some Beliefs Make Changing Habits More Difficult
It’s crucial to integrate the new methods that are being discussed in these blogs into your daily routine. Reading these blogs without applying the new concepts is like taking a boat across a river, but not getting out on the other side.
The first step in changing habits is to investigate how your belief system influences your behavior. When you were a child you were probably taught by your parents, teachers, peers and the media that you can only be happy if you live a stimulating life based on outer gratification such as making a lot of money, finding the perfect mate and achieving success at work. Looking for happiness and trying to obtain a feeling of self-worth only from outside stimuli can create anxiety and tension for the reflective, sensitive person.
It’s vital to deeply examine your life goals as you begin to understand that what you truly desire is inner-peace and that nothing in this constantly changing world can really give you lasting contentment. Life is temporary and everything will eventually leave you. You can’t take money, a partner or job status with you when you leave your body, so begin to look inside to make the necessary changes that will create inner-peace and happiness today.
Being Highly Sensitive And Changing Habits
You were probably told that there was something inherently wrong with you as a child for being so sensitive. You may have internalized that false belief, creating an addictive, self-fulfilling prophecy, subconsciously identifying with emotional pain. Most self-defeating behavior is based on not loving yourself.
I frequently encounter sensitive clients who have told me that it’s difficult to let go of an untenable situation, even when it’s creating enormous pain in their lives. There was a highly sensitive woman I counseled whose noisy upstairs neighbors were literally driving her crazy, yet she would always make up an excuse not to move. An HSP man told me that he worked for an abusive boss, yet steadfastly refused to look for another job. Most people who remain in emotionally destructive situations believe that they deserve to suffer due to low self-esteem, which is based on the untruth that there is something wrong with them.
Once you begin to understand the bases of your belief system, you will be aware of how your internalized beliefs influence your thought patterns. There is a saying: “Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action reap a habit; sow a habit; reap a character.”
Practical Considerations About Changing Habits
When changing habits you need to be gentle with yourself and make the changes slowly. For example, if you try to stop an overeating habit cold turkey by going on a crash diet, you may end up eating the cold turkey and all the trimmings. If you want to go to bed an hour earlier to obtain more sleep, try going to bed just five minutes earlier each night so that in a few weeks, you will reach your goal.
Once you have changed your consciousness by internalizing new positive values, you will spontaneously make changes to create more inner-peace and joy in your life. Also, It’s much easier to change habits when you are receiving support from other people than trying to make the changes alone. Besides enlisting support from your relatives, friends and co-workers, you can attend a support group such as a 12-step program or individual counseling.
You need to use our will power to change habits. Make a list of the areas that are causing you pain and use your volition to write down the new methods that you will employ to alleviate any tension and unhappiness in your life. As you begin having small victories in changing habits, your will power will be strengthened. You can also increase your inner-strength through visualization, and the use of affirmations. Make a resolution today that you will no longer remain in any environment in which there is no hope for you to be happy.
Supportive Environments Are Critical For Changing Habits
However, since environment may be stronger than your will power to change, you also need to remove yourself from situations that reinforce negative habits and low self-esteem. Your home and work environment are the most important factors that determine your ability to create a peaceful life, so it’s imperative that you create a harmonious work and home atmosphere. If you know that a certain environment creates anxiety, either try to change the unhealthy, over-stimulating situation or remove yourself from the source of tension.
I have noticed that you can generally replace a bad habit with a good one in just six months. One HSP client, Felicia, told me that when she began meditating, after several months that practice became a part of her life, just like brushing her teeth when she awoke. Felicia said that if she is unable to meditate in the morning, she doesn’t feel centered until she experiences at least ten minutes of deep relaxation. She noticed that when she’s feeling calm, little daily annoyances become less significant. Once you become focused on establishing peace of mind, you won’t have to give others a piece of your mind.
Finally, you need to create new, satisfying and nurturing activities to replace the old habits. For example, if you decide to watch less overstimulating TV and DVDs and spend less time being bombarded by stimuli on the Internet, you could begin reading calming, spiritually-uplifting books. This is a new year for you and you don’t have to keep repeating old habits that don’t work for you anymore as you gain new knowledge and understanding of yourself
Step By Step Roadmap: How to Change Habits
1. Investigate your belief system and become aware when a habit creates pain.
2. Be gentle with yourself by changing habits slowly.
3. Try to always be aware of the goal of developing a change of consciousness.
4. Enlist the support of your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors; you may want to meet with a counselor or join a support group.
5. Remove yourself from an environment that reinforces negative habits.
6. Realize that in only six months you can replace a bad habit with a good one through daily practice.
7. Create new, satisfying and nurturing activities to replace the old habits.
8. Use your will power to develop a structured program for yourself to help make positive life-style changes.
9. Write down and implement the changes that you want to make as you read these blogs.
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